Tall Travel Tales


*Please note my blog/website is now at http://nomadicsamuel.com
Please come and check it out!*

I can´t help but fathom travel makes you a better storyteller.  The adventurous, quirky, mundane, profane, humorous and everything else in between are bound to happen to you once or twice or possibly even more, if you stay on the dusty trail long enough.  The stories you hear at times make you shake your head in disbelief and every once in a while you encounter a real whopping jaw dropper.   However, it´s the tales that keep coming up again and again that I´m going to rant about in this particular post.  These stories are nothing but totally stale; however, the latest rambler often tries to put his/her unique spin on it.  Even somebody blessed with the highest degree of enthusiasm and a mouth made to motor can´t quite refresh these refried beans of tales told far too many times UNLESS of course you´re the victim hearing it for the first time.  I suppose the term urban legend or myth is most appropriate to describe these tall tales, as you never quite get enough specifics to quantify if it actually really happened or not.  Often these are tales told of far away places involving friends of a friend and are just too good to be actually true 🙂

Tale A

Imagine the joy of a newlywed couple.  The perfect honeymoon is in order and of course it´s in an exotic locale.  I´m not even going to mention where it is because this tale has been told so many times it´s not of any significant importance.  The planes, hotels and tours are booked.  It´s now just time for these two lovebirds to venture off and have the time of their lives.  Everything is sappy peaches and cream as things progress into the final days of their itinerary.  This particular morning the couple will take a cab ride to a nearby village to have some pictures taken.  Everything is going smoother than a PIMP drinking gin and juice out of a sippy cup on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  However, suddenly the car is swerving out of control.  The couple once saturated with joy and ease suddenly are jolted into a state of terror and shock.  The car comes to an abrupt stop and a huge collective sigh of relief radiates even miles away as nothing serious has just happened.  The driver naturally needs some assistance fixing the vehicle and who better to lend a helping hand than the ever so handy Mr. Fix-it husband.  The bride sits in the back seat collecting her breath as just moments before she felt her life flash before her eyes.  Suddenly, at the most opportunistic moment, without any sense of hesitation the taxi driver bolts to the front and hops into the driver´s seat.  Before you can snap your fingers twice he´s already locked the doors and is speeding off chewing dirt and spinning dust with the bride screaming in the back and looking out the rear window in an act of total desperation.  The husband chases after the car with all of the enthusiasm of a raging bull but it´s far too late.  He´s fallen flat on his face and the car in front of him is nothing more than a spec disappearing into the horizon.  Years pass and the tragic story is never resolved.  It´s assumed the wife has been sold into prostitution and the husband in all of his agony and disbelief never does find her again.  It´s a classic tale of doom and gloom and if I had a dime for every time I´ve heard this story I´d be collecting a rather nice pension fund right about now 🙂

Tale B

A group of mates decide to paint the town red after a serious trek in the mountains.  The long and grueling bus rides, treacherous hiking and high altitude have taken its toll on these young lads.  It´s time for them to let off some steam and enjoy a few free flowing pints of bubbly or whatever else is on tap.  It´s going to be a wild night and the watering hole they´ve cafefully selected is more than willing to dish out the goodies.  Things are going typically well as a few of the blokes have already picked up a sizzlin´ senorita and have long since exited the premises.  However, much maligned, Trevor and Todd are still drinking like fish that have just about ran out of water.  Todd naturally gets separated from Trevor and is starting to feel more than just a bit fuzzy in the head.  He´s of course plastered but doesn´t realize the little something that´s been slipped into his drink while he so carelessly left it open and completely unattended on the bar table while going to pay a short visit to urinal.  The progression of a normal blackout usually involves some completely isolated incidents of total stupidity in which a mate nearby often picks up the pieces and removes the said offender.  However, since Todd is alone he hits the ground hard and without a sound as nobody in the bar knows him or gives even the slightest damn about the corpse found sprawled out on the floor.   To the commoner in the crowd, he´s just another wilting flower that´s collapsed on the floor a little too early – hardly a newfound sight for these grizzled hard-knockers.  Anyhow, hours go by and Trevor finally is semi-conscious once again.  Completely disoriented and feeling extremely weak all over, he notices a cell phone placed in his hand.  He quickly tries to jerk himself up but a pain so intense slams him back to the ground like two freight trains colliding head on.  He quickly realizes something is totally disturbing about this situation.  Not even slightly aware of where he is he suddenly realizes he´s just crumpled up a piece of paper found in his other hand.  He unravels the mess and discovers a series of seven sequenced numbers.  The message is blunt:  ´´Your kidney has been removed.  Call this number or YOU WILL DIE.´´

These two examples are just a few of many types of stories one may encounter while backpacking around the globe.  It doesn´t really matter where you are because these can happen in random country X.  I´ve heard these kind of stories more than I´d like to admit and my ear drums are bleeding right now, so please forgive me.   The funny thing is that you´ll likely hear these tall tales again, and again, and again once more,  but if you do encounter an eager young lad telling it to you for the first time try to take it a little bit easy on him because in his mind it´s hot off the press and fresh news to your supposed virgin ears 🙂

*Please note my blog/website is now at http://nomadicsamuel.com
Please come and check it out!*

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About Samuel Jeffery

Samuel Jeffery is a perpetual backpacker, youtube enthusiast & author of a quirky blog who loves to travel and explore new culture and territory while connecting with other nomadic souls. WEBSITE http://www.nomadicsamuel.com PHOTOS http://photos.nomadicsamuel.com YOUTUBE VIDEO http://www.youtube.com/NomadicSamuel
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4 Responses to Tall Travel Tales

  1. Alessandro says:

    Important is that you’re not the protagonist of the tale…

    PS: where the hell do you take all these pics, man… seriously!

  2. Alessandro says:

    The funny ones you use for your blog…

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